Adventures of a MathBrat

Random Things I Find Energy To Blog About

Better News!

I talked to my speech/cognitive therapist about my rock and a hard place. Rock: go back to work too soon and risk experiencing delayed healing, a setback, or a crash and burn. Hard place: continue to stay home healing and lose job, medical insurance, etc. for the year. She agreed with me the whole thing sucks donkey butt and that rock is better than hard place. She contacted my doctor and pressed him to write me a note that gets me back to work, because he also agrees rock is better than hard place, even though he seems to be ridiculously resistant to writing the type of note I need. sigh!

He finally wrote something good enough for us to work with, but he put specific times on it (like 9am-1pm) which makes it really tough, especially considering all of my pt and speech/cognitive therapy appointments are in the mornings! But my boss is willing to jump through hoops to help me make this work. I just really want to get back to work. I know I can work with a headache. Back before discovering what my migraine triggers were, I used to have to work with migraines. It sucked, but I got through it. I can get through this.

I’ve been flying through my math homework like the normal me. Put me back in the game, Coach!

Everyone still agrees I cannot drive yet, so that adds another component to the complications of working weird hours. But, we’ll figure it out. If nothing else, I can walk the two miles.

I started physical therapy today. He seemed pretty amazed at how remarkably messed up my neck and upper back are and that I’ve been dealing with it this whole time. I’ve been so wrapped up in my brain working again, I didn’t care all that much about the neck and upper back. Now that my brain is moving at a more normal pace, I am ready for the other pain to be dealt with. And, once my neck is better, I am betting my headaches will be less frequent.

So yeah. The plan is starting Wednesday, I am going in some pretty odd hours in order to stay between 9 and 1 and still make it to my appointments. I will be mostly just acclimating to the environment the first couple of days (sitting in classes, grading papers, hanging out). Not long after that I can begin teaching half days. We are hoping to get him to change the specific hours so that some of my afternoon classes can have my attention as well (like teach morning classes mon/thurs and afternoon classes tues/fri). Apparently, several parents are very concerned about how the math classes are going in my absence. The person subbing for me used to teach math there, so I am sure people are just exaggerating, because they are used to me, but everyone will feel a lot better when I am back. And, I will have a reason to put on clean clothes that are not made of fleece, start getting paychecks again, and see more faces than those on my medical care team.

My brain is still having a few hiccups, and my neck and back hurt a lot, but I definitely feel like I am progressing in the right direction. I wish they would have tried the medicine from the very beginning. Maybe I could have been back to work weeks ago!

I want to start ending my blogs with something funny, but now I’m feeling all this pressure to come up with humor. I remember laughing a few times today, but I can’t remember at what. Maybe I will think to write down whatever funny thing happens tomorrow and put it in tomorrow’s blog.

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Not Yet

I had big hopes for today’s “not a neurologist” visit. I expected to find I could begin driving again and go back to work next week. That is not how things turned out. He finds my constant headaches too significant to go back to work yet (especially since 20 minutes of math intensifies the headaches to an 8), and even though my thinking has sped up some, he’s not ready for me to be behind the wheel. After other things that happened today, I can’t argue with him, but it’s still frustrating.

Before the appointment, I knew I’d be stopping at a warehouse store to buy some things for the senior class store I normally run. Prior to leaving our home, I pulled out $100 cash I had stashed. There was a 50, two 20s, and two 5s. We went to the store, did our shopping, and when it was my turn to pay, the 50 looked like a 20. I kept counting $70 and was panicking. I was looking around at the floor to see if I dropped $30 without noticing. I recounted and recounted, every time the 50 looking like 20. Finally, my brain caught up, and the “20” morphed into “50,” and I remembered seeing a 50 at home. I only made a minor scene, but still. It is stuff like this that is keeping me from driving. It wasn’t the same as mistaking a 50 for a 20. I saw all the detail of a 20 on that bill just like the day I saw the light change green and the word “advice” on the lyrics board instead of “desire.” So even though my brain is moving faster, and I am a little less depressed, I am still having issues. Add to that the terrible headaches, and maybe I shouldn’t be pushing so hard to get back to work or behind the wheel.

After meeting with the doctor, I met with my boss. She didn’t have great news. The board, as much as they want me well and back, has pressured her that if I am not back in two weeks to transition to four weeks from now when my sub is leaving, she has to find and hire a long-term sub to finish the school year. So basically, I have two weeks to be well enough to start transitioning back to work, and that transition will have to be quicker than we wanted, or I am not back to work until next Fall. And, this gives potential for this other person to end up offered a contract next year instead of me. And, I am not sure what this would mean for my health insurance! We could be super screwed!! It could possibly mean me getting disability pay (through SSDI, cuz my job does not have disability insurance) to make up for some of the pay I’m not getting, but I’ve been told by my doctors that is an uphill battle.

I don’t want to go back too soon and end in flames, but I don’t want to not be able to go back and be facing what that means for us. This is a very stressful time, indeed.

I’m going to go cuddle with Moo and pretend none of this is happening.

Is The Fog Lifting?

Yesterday I stayed in bed for like four hours after I woke up. I spent the day yawning and feeling out of it. Speech therapy turned my brain into soup again. I chose to spare myself the math headache and wait until today to get back onto that horse.

When I was ready to turn in last night, I felt a sense of loss in my day, because I really didn’t accomplish much even though I felt like I might have been able to. Thus, I created a goals list for today. I chose basic things like showering and taking my vitamins, but I also added yoga (something I keep wishing I would add back into my daily routine but haven’t had a routine) and drinking enough water. I chose two chores and added the math and worksheet I am supposed to do.

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At the time I am blogging this, I still have to change the cat box and finish my last glass of water, but I accomplished everything on my goals list by the time I wanted to complete them with the exception of an additional workout in the evening I deemed too ambitious for just yet. I am feeling quite successful. And, I did not have a headache all day until after the math assignment. This is a problem, considering our biggest goal is to get me back to teaching math, but at least I was able to do the problems. My speech therapist has me doing 20 minutes per day for now, and once the headaches stop, I can probably do more.

I talked to the neuropsych doc today about a plan for me to get back to work. To get me back by November 15, it looks like we are going to try to start doing stuff the week of Oct 10! I really want to get back to work, but I don’t want to set myself up for failure by going too soon. I’m hoping this is enough time!

The plan starts with just a few days per week sitting in other teachers’ classes for four hours per day just to get acclimated back into the setting. Then we will add small tasks like grading papers, working up to teaching half days and then full days. She is writing in some accommodations for me as well regarding certain deadlines and getting extra help grading papers. I’m not sure how much is actually realistic for the type of school I teach at, but it’s a starting point.

Highlights of today were hanging out on the deck with Moo and facetiming with my gson and daughter.

So that’s pretty much it for today. That and I am mad at iPhone for changing Siri’s voice without giving me the option to change it back. I asked her why her voice is different, and she told me she’s been taking “human lessons.” I am also mad at Staples, because they are merging the teacher rewards into the same rewards everyone else can get. This means that when there is a limit of 5 on a back-to-school item, I will truly be limited to 5 now! Teacher rewards would let me go beyond 5 and get reimbursed the difference. So yeah. I am mad at iPhone and Staples, and my head hurts from math, but today was an otherwise pretty great day.

Math Headache

I went to speech therapy today, and she turned my brain into creamed corn. The activities were challenging and fun, and I was starting to feel somewhat smart again, but omg! My head really started hurting.

I took the friend who drove me to lunch at our restaurant, and then after I got home, I had some downtime.

I’ve been supposed to be practicing math to get that part of my brain working again to try to get me back to work, but somehow I have been forgetting to do that. How is it I can’t remember to do something I love and enjoy???

The speech therapist reminded me again, so I put a reminder in my phone right there in her office so as not to forget again.

I chose to work on some trig, because I happen to have a teacher’s edition (with the answers to check myself) at home. Trig also happens to be one of my faves. I worked for about half an hour, and now my head is THROBBING!!! I’ve heard people complain before that math gives them a headache. Today, I can relate.

Other than the terrible headache and dealing with side effects of new medicine, there weren’t a ton of symptoms today. I had to search for a few words, and I had a bit of memory trouble, but all in all, today seemed to be a better functioning brain day.

Oops! I forgot! My Brain is a Typo.

I forgot I was supposed to be keeping a log for my attorney. I’ve probably missed a ton of stuff he’d want, but I’ll try to remember to keep at it.

The other day, I put something into the oven for dinner. My husband was home, so I felt safe not setting a timer. I figured it needed 30-40 minutes. I looked at the close, which said 9:23, so I told myself 10:00 would be time to take the food out. I went about my business.

After what seemed like half an hour, I looked at the clock, and it said six-something. I was so confused! I tried really hard to figure out what had happened. As I stared at the clock racking my brain on this, I noticed the calendar under the clock said 9-23-2017. It finally clicked that I had looked at the date and saw the time as 9:23. What’s even weirder is that at no time did I ever question why I was still awake at 10pm let alone expecting dinner to come out of the oven at that time!

My typing is really weird. Just in that last paragraph one example is that as I tried to type, “clock,” I typed, “close.” This happens a lot. I am often able to find it and fix it. I don’t know if I always find it, because I can look right at “close” and see “clock.” I also start to type “write” instead of “right.” I typed “foto” instead of “photo” earlier today. Additionally, a lot of my typing shows my left and right hands working in the wrong order. Typing things like, “elft”  or “felt” instead of “left.” Or “ndsa” instead of “sand.” The squiggly read spell check lines help with a lot of it (like missing an “i” in “additionally” a few minutes ago). This experience is very different than my normal typo experience. It’s hard to describe the difference, but I know it is different.

The tbi thing has been very hard on my marriage. My husband is very independent and does not like to need to be depended on. He’s great for running to the store to get me things on his way home from work, but if I need something when he’s already home, or needing all these rides to doctors and stuff, it causes him stress (especially when he’s trying to do stuff for our restaurant and the juice bar). I get stressed when he says he will do something, puts it in his calendar, forgets about it, and then gets all mad at me when I remind him, because now he suddenly has a hundred reasons why he really can’t do it.

It is also stressful thinking about me not getting paychecks. This has us both on edge. We know it will somehow work out, but when we can’t see how, it’s stressful.

I ordered some earplug kind of things for church. They are supposed to reduce volume without muffling everything. So maybe I can handle the music and stuff without getting a headache.

I started the medicine on Saturday. Sunday evening we went to church, and the headache started. Without thinking, I took a prescription strength naproxen from my purse. Then I started to panic, because I did not confirm that could be taken with my new prescription. I suddenly remembered seeing my new prescription on the list of things not to be taken with naproxen. I felt weak. My vision started to darken in a tunnel. I had to sit down. I started tingling and breathing hard. I knew it was anxiety/panic. I told husband, and I went to restroom to google the interaction. But my church is in a data dead zone. I texted a friend and asked her to google it. Eventually, I finally remembered I could actually just call the pharmacy. I went outside to call. The pharmacist reminded me that with all my prescriptions coming from the same place, they would not sell me things that would interact negatively. She double-checked to give me peace of mind. All of this was stuff I would normally have sorted out in my brain within a minute or less. I would not have needed to make a phone call, google, etc. I would have determined the pharmacy would not have sold it to me without first making sure I stopped taking the other.

Eventually, my brain remembered it was not this drug I saw on the list to not take with naproxen. It was NSAIDs on that list. All that panic was over nothing. Panic is not normal for me.

That night, I went to bed around 11pm (late for me!). Two hours later, I woke up in a total panic for no reason. I did not have a bad dream or anything. I just woke wide awake, convinced God and I no longer had a relationship, and I was feeling panicked. I did some slow breathing and went to the bathroom. I checked in on my husband to see if he was awake, cuz I was in serious need of a hug, but he was konked out. I watched videos for awhile, and was finally able to fall back to sleep.

I met with a real neurologist today, and I’ll take my “not a neurologist” over this guy any day. His bedside manner was TERRIBLE! I almost walked out three different times, but I made myself stay. I just don’t even want to talk about him, but I mention it, because it is unlike me to have such a strong response as I did and be ready to just walk out of an expensive appointment. I can thank him for increasing my appreciation for my current care team, though.

Things smell different. All of the products in my home are completely botanical. Synthetic fragrances and cleaners and things trigger migraines for me, so I don’t have them in the house. This makes hair care products not all that effective, but I found some stuff that works “good enough.” The problem is I HATE the smell of the conditioner. It has a really strong floral scent. But, since it is from essential oils and is completely natural, it does not give me a headache, and it makes my hair look decent, so I continue to use it. Recently, I noticed it smells like bubblegum now. I don’t hate it any more. It worries me that my sense of smell has changed, but at least my conditioner smells pleasant to me now. My sense of taste has changed too. I wish I would have said these to the neurologist today. He might have found those more interesting than the things I actually had written down. Oh well. I am not going back to him.

This is about all I can remember to note. I hope I remember going forward to log these things for my attorney. He knows memory is an issue, but it’s not like he can follow me around with a notepad. Maybe I could become one of those people who video their lives all day. How boring would that be? Unless you like watching a middle-aged woman cuddle with a cat. In that case, I’m your gal!

Neuropsychological Evaluation and My Soapbox About Two Current TV Ads

My very specific prayers were answered, and I got in for neuropsych testing before my 9/22 doc appt with the “not a neurologist” doctor instead of having to wait until 10/27. It happened they had a cancellation on a morning I was already showered and dressed for speech therapy, and I was able to find a ride! I am so grateful!!

The testing is arduous! It was six hours of talking and remembering and doing all kinds of tasks. By the time it was over, my brain was like a can of cream corn after being digested by a dog. I am just now feeling able to write about it two days later.

I’m not going to be super specific here about the results, because I do have a pending lawsuit against the insurance company of the woman who did this to me, but I will tell you we found some very clear answers and have a good plan going forward.

The plan gave me hope again, and I noticed my mood and energy much better today despite a terrible headache.

I met with “not a neurologist,” and he agrees with the plan. We are starting it tomorrow. If my brain responds as we hope, I might be back to work mid-November. If it does not, they are going to recommend I spend the rest of the school year on leave of absence and try other means to try to heal. They seemed pretty confident this plan will work, but we won’t know for a few weeks how my brain will respond.

One week from today, I will be using the very last day of my sick days. Starting 9/30, I am income-less. This is scary and stressful. If the plan doesn’t work, that is even more scary and stressful!

So that’s it for my neuropsych stuff. Now I want to vent about two television commercials that are really irking me lately.

McDonald’s! Their McCafe ads are so irresponsible. Their biggest customer base has got to be children. The only times I know of anyone who goes there is because their kids talked them into it. I know they have more than that, but lots of kids are watching the McDonald’s tv ads. Currently, the ads have one person pressuring another person into trying the new McCafe. The other person continues to resist, and the first person persists to the point of pulling off a glove and challenging the other (like challenging to a duel) to try the drink. The other person then gives in, tries it, and loves it.

This is teaching our children so many bad things!

  1. It is teaching them if you can’t persuade somebody to do what you want, keep harassing them to the point of physical violence until you get your way. The other person will eventually concede and thank you in the end. This is the type of behavior that leads to all kinds of issues and can later lead to perpetuating rape.
  2. It is teaching them if they give into peer pressure, they will end up enjoying what they got pressured into trying. This acceptance of having their will bullied out of them can lead to becoming comfortable with trying drugs and alcohol and adopting ideas like domestic violence and rape is inevitable and acceptable.
  3. At the very least, kids at schools across the country are going to be smacking each other in the faces with gloves and getting into trouble.

Aspen Dental! They have a series of commercials that try to depict their dentists as not falling into stereotypes of not being helpful, overcharging, selling unnecessary services, etc. In one of these commercials, the scene involves a public pool as the setting. A bolt of lighting strikes near the pool, the female teen lifeguard blows her whistle and yells at everyone to get out of the pool. The pool is filled with tons of children who rush out, screaming, heading toward safety. One man keeps wandering around in his space in the pool. The lifeguard yells at him to get out. He says that he can’t, because his shorts fell off when he dove into the pool. The dentist then does his thing in convincing the guy he can help him out of this bind. I’m not sure what all they say at this point, because I cannot stop thinking about the fact that this middle-aged man is wandering around a pool full of children with no shorts on. The commercial is creepy and gross. The longer version even shows parts of his butt cheeks as the lifeguard and dentist try to help him get to safety with nothing more than the dentist’s coat covering his junk and a floatie held by the dentist and the lifeguard to hide part of his butt.

Even without this last part, this commercial is creepy in that this guy is wandering around in this pool full of children while he has no shorts on.

Every time this commercial comes on, I want to yell at Aspen Dental. They have enough other commercials in this same series that are not creepy. It would be very easy for them to pull this one out of the rotation. McDonald’s, on the other hand, needs to pull their whole series and come up with a different way to convince people their McCafe tastes better than whatever they normally drink.

 

Emotional Attachments: Gone

I don’t want to put this in print, because it is awful, but I think it’s a symptom, and I need to remind myself (and others) these symptoms are not me.

Newly realized symptom: I can’t stand my husband. It’s not the pre-menstrual, “I need him to just leave for a few days, and then I’ll love him again” thing, but I just can’t stand him.

I have been pondering why this is. Sure, things are a bit more stressful with my brain injury and that we will be paying our rent with a credit card until I go back to work or run out of credit, but that’s not it. I think my emotional attachment is gone.

This thought caused me to reflect on my visit to my gson (the one person on the planet I am most strongly emotionally connected to, even moreso than my children). With our time together so soon after the accident, I can barely remember the visit. It was all like a dream. But I do remember missing the feeling I normally get during cuddle times. At the time, I attributed it to him. He’s five years old, now, and I thought maybe because he is less cuddly than before, that the diluted emotional connection was on his end. Now I think it’s me!

I’ve been also considering interactions with friends and other people. I am definitely more distant (if present at all). Normally, I am what people refer to as an “empath.” Now, I feel distant and cold. I don’t feel mean or uncaring, but while I do care about what my friends are going through, I don’t take on that emotion any more. Except when my friend was finally able to quit a job that was killing her. I was beyond elated and giddy about that. I’m not sure why I could feel so much about that and not about other stuff.

I will definitely be bringing this up with my doctors and probably my attorney.

Am I a sociopath now?

The Babadook Didn’t Kill Me Last Night, but Hubs Almost Got Me Killed Today!

I felt better today than many recent days. Today was not without its brain issues, but I accomplished a lot more. I went with the “write it down AFTER I do it” idea and felt a lot better about that than the to-do checklist. I was excited to get things onto it, so I was more motivated to do them. I also woke with more energy today and found that an important factor.

I’ll include a photo of my day’s list of accomplishments at the end of this blog. I will chat here first about a few things that stood out to me.

The one big thing I wanted to do today was go to my favorite food truck who would be at a farmer’s market in Hartford. I asked Hubs last night if this fit into his schedule, and while playing his game on his phone and not paying attention to me (I realize in hindsight), he said, “yes.” This probably played a big role in my motivation to shower and dress at a time that would accommodate getting to the farmer’s market early, because this particular food truck is very busy and can run out of things toward the end of the market.

Hubs did not check his schedule before agreeing, and it turned out not only did he have an appointment at 11am (the time I asked we could be at the market), but also he needed to go to Restaurant Depot and Restaurant Equipment Paradise! We worked it out that I would go to his 11am appointment. It was not until we were en route to the market that I found out about Restaurant Depot, and it wasn’t until after Restaurant Depot that I found out about Restaurant Equipment Paradise. I believe this is because Hubs knew I would not agree to going that many places in a car with him. His driving scares me!

He did okay-ish with his driving until after Restaurant Depot. On the way to Paradise, we were on a very busy, 4-lane, 45mph road. We needed to turn left across two lanes of heavy, fast-moving traffic. We had a green light but not a green arrow (aka, wait until oncoming traffic has passed, and if your light is still green, then you can go). Before I could scream, Hubs immediately started turning left into this oncoming, fast-moving traffic! I was shouting, “You’re getting us killed!” as a very large pickup truck came dangerously close to t-boning my side of the car. I shouted the same thing probably three of four times until we were past the near-collision that most definitely would have resulted in my fatality had impact occurred. I am not exaggerating how close of a call this was. This truck was maybe inches from killing me.

My heart felt like it was trying to beat its way out of my chest. My neck (which still has not received physical therapy, due to physical exertion exacerbating my tbi symptoms) stiffened and was shooting nerve pain like mad. My whole body was shaking, but I otherwise could not move. I went completely silent and remained stiff and silent for the next several miles, just trying to slow my breathing.

He gave a teenage-toned, “Sooorrrry!” about the whole thing. I think that was the last time I am willing to be in a car where he is driving. I am either going to have to start sucking it up and using Uber, become a shut-in, or take everyone’s lives into my hands and take a chance that I’ll be okay driving. I cannot see my driving, no matter how my brain decides to fritz, being anywhere near as dangerous as his.

Eventually I calmed down, and thankfully this did not completely derail my day as other recent, much less significant setbacks have. I spent a little time online, and when I saw a photo of a friend’s sleepy kitty, I was inspired to take a nap.

I tried to get photos of Moo cuddling me into napness, but she was onto me and was a giant butt about it. It ended up being half an hour of me tweeting photos and video of her being a butt, before I finally took my nap for real.

I had texted my husband and told him not to wake me before 3. I didn’t finally actually get napping until 2:00, but that should still have been okay. Problem is Hubs came home at 2:30. I could tell he tried as hard as he could to be quiet about it, but our floor creaks, and he is very large, so… My nap ended at 2:30.

Later I made cinnamon rolls AND dinner! I usually only have energy and/or inspiration for one of those. I’m not sure why I had extra energy today, but I was super thankful for it and put it to good use. I even did a little cleaning!

Oh, AND I solved a mystery!! On Tuesday morning I made cinnamon rolls. I remember when the dough was being kneaded in the Kitchen Aid stand mixer thinking there was something weird about the way it was being kneaded. I stared at it for a long time, trying to determine what was up. I even messed with different speeds to try to get the dough to go up and down as it is supposed to rather than just round and round. I never did figure out what was up, and I finally ended up finishing the job kneading it by hand.

Fast forward to today. When I went to mix the dough, I went to the dishwasher to find the stand mixer bowl and the dough hook. We don’t go through many dishes, so Tuesday’s stuff just got washed last night to be unloaded tonight. The dough hook was not in the dishwasher. The paddle mixer was. The memory of Tuesday’s dough-kneading problem came back to me, and I realized on Tuesday I used the paddle instead of the dough hook! I tried for several minutes on Tuesday to figure this out and never did.

While I find it a sign of progress that when I saw the paddle today I was able to remember Tuesday’s events, it is also a sign of stuff like that still happening that I never figured it out on Tuesday. It’s not uncommon for me to grab the wrong item, but it is very uncommon for me to not be able to figure out what is wrong in a situation like that and then fix it. I have been making a lot of dough for a long time. This is something I should have easily been able to figure out once I noticed something was wrong.

Thus, I am now wondering how many other things like this have happened that I just haven’t noticed and am thinking I’m doing better when perhaps I am not. But, the fact I can remember Tuesday’s issue is something. So I’ll take it. And, nothing sent me retreating to bed at 6pm or cancelling my entire day for Moo and cookies. So I’ll take that too.

Below is my day. I went ahead and guessed what time I’ll officially go to bed (I’m “in” bed now, but probably won’t try to sleep until around 9), cuz I really wanted the schedule sheet to be finished, and I also wanted to blog now, so that last thing’s slot could change, but the rest (other than writing down the nap just before walking upstairs to nap) I wrote down after it happened.

If today is any indication, this new “routine” might be a good one for me. yay! 🙂

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Moo and I Lived Through the Night…No Thanks to Hubs!

Last night, Moo and I were laying in bed, and we heard a loud bang on the floor beneath us. I texted Hubs who was in the living room directly below the bedroom and asked him if he heard it, telling him Moo and I were scared.  That went a little like this:

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So yeah. I later got up to use the restroom and told him, “If you wake up tomorrow and I am dead or missing, tell the police to hire a paranormal detective, cuz I’m pretty sure there’s something under my bed right now, but I’m NOT going to look!”

He said, “Okay” like I had asked him to remember to take out the trash or something.

Can you believe that?!?! How was he not up here with garlic and holy water and a Bible and a baseball bat finding out what scary monster was lurking under his bride’s bed?

Whatever. Not that it matters to him or anything, but Moo and I survived the night.

 

My Neurologist is NOT a Neurologist, And I Forgot How Shoelaces Work!

Where do I start? Today was unbelievable. I have to provide a wee bit of history to get you up to speed on this one…

Back in July when I was continuing to complain to my general doctor about my brain stuff, she finally snapped into gear when she heard me tell her about what I thought were hallucinations but turned out to be my brain and eyes miscommunicating and about how I tried to turn off the water by closing the cabinet door. She told the gal in her office who handles referrals to get me an urgent tbi-therapy appointment. She wanted me with a brain injury specialist asap.

The referral lady contacted me and told me the soonest specialist would be available in october, but a neurologist would be available in august, and due to the urgency of my doctor’s request, she set me up with the neurologist. I have been operating on this information the entire time up until today. I will get to that in a moment, but there’s more…

On this last Sunday/Monday I was in trouble. I was an emotional wreck. The tiniest setback sent me running to my bed. This is very unlike me. I tend to be incredibly tenacious, and my mathematical brain is always finding ways to troubleshoot setbacks and persevere. That has not been me since the accident. I was a mess.

On Monday a friend texted me to see how I was doing, and my response was, “circling the drain.” She told me she did not have to be to work today until 4pm and asked if I wanted her to come visit. I said, “yes. please” and asked her if she’d mind taking me to my speech therapy appointment.

So I went to that appointment today. I shared with my speech therapist how ridiculous I am that I can’t handle a to-do list that has almost nothing on it, because the first set-back derails the entire day. She explained to me that is completely normal with my injury. She asked me what neurologist I am seeing, and I told her. She said that he is not a neurologist. I was completely shocked. In hindsight, I don’t remember him ever saying he was a neurologist, but the gal in my doctor’s office who scheduled the appointment said it was a neurology appointment. His specialty is actually Physical Medicine & Rehabilitation. On his list of interests, near the end of the list is traumatic brain injury.

My speech therapist went on to ask about MRI’s, pet scans, etc. None of these have been done. She is super pissed on my behalf and she started taking vigorous notes to prepare for when she calls him (apparently he works out of her office on Mondays, so she might even have a face-to-face with him, and why didn’t they let me meet him out here instead of having to drive to Hartford???). She said the MRI and pet scan will better help to direct treatment. She has been saying all along she believes I suffered much more than a concussion. She is infuriated more isn’t being done for me. She mentioned being glad that at least a neuropsychological test has been scheduled, but so much more should be done. She believes an actual neurologist would be much more helpful.

I texted this to my attorney, and he is going to get me into an actual neurologist.

After this discussion, we talked about the disaster last week was. She wanted me to still try to follow the routine/to-do thing we had set up. I told her it was super overwhelming and so very discouraging. (Who can’t shower, get dressed, eat, and handle a total of an hour of cleaning broken into smaller pieces? I can’t!) I asked her instead to print me a blank schedule and to let me write in what I actually accomplish. Then we can look for patterns to try to establish a routine that will fit me better (or not). This would also be a positive in writing things I actually did rather than a negative in seeing how many things I did not do. She thought this was a great idea, so that is what I am going to try to do, starting tomorrow.

So now, onto a different story…

I bought my husband and myself these super cute shoes:Plant Powered Hightop Vegan Sneakers

I got him a size 14 (euro 49) (aka the biggest size they carry), and they were too small. It was mostly a width issue. My husband is a giant. The return policy is rough. They came to us from another country. And, they are too cute for him not to wear when working at our juice bar! So I youtubed how to make shoes go up one size. I found videos teaching me how to stuff water bottles into them and put them in the freezer. The water will expand and stretch out the toe box. So that is what we are trying!

I had him working on one shoe while I worked on the other. The problem is, I forgot how to work shoelaces! And, as I tried to figure it out, I was pulling them out instead of tightening them. I kept trying to tighten, and more and more of the laces kept coming out! I was down to three holes on each side still having lace in them before I finally asked Hubs to do it for me. We were both in disbelief yet not. This whole brain thing is sooooo frustrating!!

And, my typing is atrocious! I am all over the place, and not even spell check can help me. So I guess the fact I am putting out something readable shows there is still some tenacity left in me, because it is requiring a lot to be able to type this out somewhat coherently.

Also of note: Yesterday everything tasted like vinegar.