More Spring Break Fun

by mathhbratt

I thought I planned only a few things on my Spring Break so I could handle it. It’s turning out to be too much. I only had three days planned to be out with lots of home days in-between them, but today I have a big outing planned after having to give my VW back yesterday, and maybe those are too close together.

I told you about the clean air salon Tuesday. While down in that town an hour away from home, we also went out to lunch at a lovely Italian restaurant near my favorite beach. We ate way too much! I was completely drunk on risotto and tiramisu when we walked across the street to my favorite book store. My husband was the same plus espresso. We went a little nuts and spent way too much money! (If you are ever in Madison, CT, you must check out R.J. Julia Booksellers. They are awesome!)

After a couple of hours of shopping, browsing, reading, touching all the books, before checking out, I reviewed my selection and put two books back. I still ended up coming home with seven books! One of them has almost 1100 pages and is currently taking over my down time. I also ended up with a pair of socks my husband found with math formulas all over them. I love that he knows how much I geek out over that kind of thing. đŸ™‚ My husband bought six books, but his cost even more than mine. Thankfully, those were for the restaurant, so the expense can be written off, but we still spent WAY too much money! (Never go to your favorite book store inebriated on Italian food and dessert.)

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I’m excited for each book, though, so I am not truly remorseful over this shopping spree. The sugar detox book will hopefully help me get my sugar back in check. I divorced Ben and Jerry last summer and was off of sweets for several months. Slowly many sweets have crept back in, and I am starting to gain back some of the weight I worked so hard to shed. Add to that how much the sugar messes with my ability to do my job, and I really need to kick it to the curb!

The computer science of human decisions book looks truly fascinating! I am a very mathy person who tends to make quite poor decisions, because I am far too emotionally driven. This is another book I hope will inspire changes I want to make in how I live my life. The bake sales book will probably just sit on my shelf looking pretty, but I couldn’t resist the title and had to have it.

The book with the cat on the front? I am super excited to read this! The woman in the story suffers loss, and I generally do not read books where people lose loved ones nor where people fall in love (this eliminates so many books), but she ends up meeting a talking cat! I’d like to think if my husband dies, a talking cat will come into my life to fill the void. I may not be reading this book for awhile, though, because I picked up “Infinite Jest” and can’t put it down, and the size of the latter tells me it is probably going to take an eternity to get through. “Infinite Jest” is so far super intriguing, though, so maybe only half of an eternity.

“Grain Brain” might work well with the sugar detox book to help me get my brain functioning better again. I used to have an IQ of 157. This is not a joke. When I got sick, I could feel my intelligence and speed of figuring things out slipping away. I’ve also lost my ability to keep a train of thought without writing things down. I can no longer win at Chess, because I forget my strategy and next move while waiting for the other person to take a turn. When teaching calculus, if my notes are not great, I run the risk of forgetting what I am doing and just staring at the work on my board, unable to answer student questions about it. This last thing has only happened twice, but you can imagine the fear and humiliation that come from that. I have been keeping much much better notes.

The “A Really Good Day” book? It’s about a woman who figures out how to dose herself with the proper amount of LSD to get through life! I flipped it open and gave it the one page test and immediately put it into my basket.

When I came home from the book store, there was an amazon box on my porch! With two books inside of it! lol. One of them is a book I am hoping will help me divorce cheese, another food warring with my body as I try to reduce inflammation.

If my body would cooperate and just let me take drugs for my issues, I wouldn’t have to work so hard on my diet and lifestyle, but noooooo….. My body hates everything!

So, anyway, back to this whole Spring Break thing… After the book store, we could not do anymore, so we skipped the beach and made it back home slightly before rush hour. There was heavy traffic but nothing like if we had spent another half an hour down there. I spent the next day not leaving the  house. I did some cleaning and unpacking and a lot of reading and watching “Judge Judy” and a whole lot of twitter. #TheBloggessTribe on twitter is proving to be a very important part of my life. They have gotten me through some pretty high-anxiety moments, and I like to try to pay that back by offering the same.

Thursday (yesterday) was the day I had to give back my TDI. Even though I was super prepared, I was full of anxiety. Two days before the appointment, I was convinced the dealership lost or damaged it while storing it for me and that I’d find myself in a complicated legal battle. I couldn’t sleep because of this impending doom. When I got to the dealership, Maria was there, and everything felt a little bit better. The appointment ended up going very easily, and Maria ended up selling my husband an SUV while I was waiting for the guy to get information out of the vehicle. She is really good!

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Good-bye TDI. You were a fun car, and I will miss you!

So while Maria was talking to my husband, I went to wish the service guy farewell. He has always been really fantastic and I made sure to give him all the credit for me considering a purchase at this dealership after what went wrong with the first purchase. Maria told me the service guy (whose name I’ll leave out of this) had put in his two weeks’ notice because of anxiety making it hard to work and needing to have more time with his SO. I wanted to say good-bye, because I think he’s great, and I’ve appreciated him a lot.

This is when the humiliation happened! This is probably why I am feeling too exhausted for the fun girls’ day I have planned in a few hours. This is why I found myself hiding in a lounge chair in the corner of the waiting room tweeting my tribe while my husband was doing paperwork for his new SUV. I misread the situation and embarrassed us both, and I can’t decide if knowing he too has anxiety helps me with this or makes it worse…

I told him Maria had shared with me he is leaving, and I asked him if this meant good things for him. He looked me in the eyes with pain and like he wanted to say so much more, but he said he is going on a sabbatical and considering a different industry because customers like me are too far and few between and most people do not show any appreciation at all. I inserted that most people are grumpy, and he vehemently agreed. I asked him if he read my google review (where I gushed on him and Maria but mostly on him) and he smiled and perked up and said, “yes!” He put his arms wide in the air, and I misread this to think he was offering a hug, so I went in and hugged him to be polite. It was super awkward, and the second it was over, we both just quickly rushed in opposite directions without even closing our conversation! In hindsight, I realize his wide arms were more like taking a bow or posturing like a super hero, but yeah.

I was already full of anxiety over giving the car back and now this weird hug thing happened! After tweeting in a corner for awhile I felt like I could survive, but there were moments where I felt like I was going to just start crying, and I am not really a person who cries. Maybe once a year I cry? Not nearly enough. I have this angry self defense system that wards off tears with rage. But here I was feeling like I’d cry because I embarrassed myself. What happened to my ability to laugh at myself? I need that back!

Eventually, I felt okay enough to go make small talk and have it be less awkward. I showed him and his coworkers the VW bag my daughter crocheted for me. Now that I think about it, that was probably weird. Oh well. I’m still trying to recover from the hug. I don’t have brain space to ruminate over my show-and-tell.

The bag is super cool, though! It is fully lined, soft and squishy and amazing. It is a VW Bus in my favorite colors. The lighting of my photos make the dark purple seem black, but it s a gorgeous dark plum color that I am infatuated with. The license plate on the back is calculus for, “derive vw” which sounds a lot like “drive vw” which I’d get on real vanity plates for my real car if I didn’t think it was a waste of money and if I thought people would actually get it, but most of the time if I talk calculus, I get head nods or people fleeing from me mid-conversation.

I’m still pretty exhausted from that experience, and today I am driving up to Massachusetts with a good friend for girls’ day. She is far more adventurous than I am and has tons of spoons, and our agenda is quite ambitious. I really want to be able to be energetic and fun for her today. She does so much for me, and I feel like I am often a downer or at very least a wet blanket. I wish yesterday hadn’t happened to interfere with my ability to get out the door today and go somewhere I’ve never been. I’m going to make myself do it, and I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. But right now, I see how much it’s raining out. I feel how drained I am. I worry about what traffic and roads will be like in the heavy rain in this town where I am so unfamiliar. And I hope through all of that, I can somehow be fun. Fun and maybe not hug any strangers who are not really trying for hugs.

For somebody who hates ever leaving the house, I have sure been leaving the house a lot lately!

 

 

 

 

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